free my mind

Joined: Jan 06, 2009 Posts: 3 Location: the great wide open

hello everyone:)
okay so Ive smoked bud for years, it helps me feel one with this world. my mind flows with so much creation. but about a year ago I had this horrible panic attack. my head wouldn't slow down and I had this feeling of impending doom that my mind just couldn't control. it honestly was the worst feeling in my life, to the point I couldnt even smoke.and if I'm around a lot of people I get uncomfortable and all weird, that's the only way to describe it.
when I was growing up I was taught that any "drug" was a horrible thing. addiction could take over and that's why I've always been afraid to try anything else.(everyone in my family has a very addictive personality) I hear about experiences with shrooms and acid and how they give people different outlooks, almost like it frees the mind. a good trip seems like such a great experience. anyways,my question is, since I panic while stoned at times would it be a good idea to try shrooms ever? where does it make your mind wander?
I don't want anymore flashbacks either. ha
anyone else have problems with panic attacks? any bad trip stories? good trip stories?
thanks much. peace&onelove.

New Member Joined: Aug 29, 2006 Posts: 35

well one thing, i've always felt, that it is possible to use things without becoming addicted to them. and i still believe for the most part this is possible. but i have to point out, everyone, we have egos and we want to blind ourselves to a lot of things for the sake of them, and having to have something, this feeling of having to, well its a problem because the universe is always changing, even without the stupidity of human society, so its sort of putting oneself in an unsustainable position to be where you HAVE to have anything. so that's my one thing about that.

now the other thing i like to get at, is that when we use something as a focus, be it an object or a state of mind, and a lot of these are interchangeable, depending on ourselves as individuals, well there is this to consider, a focus is more like a key then a door. and there are always other keys and other doors. and any way its not so much the key as the opening of the door.

so basically what i'm getting at, is if its one sort of key that is causing problems, perhaps do to conflict with other inner feelings, entirely aside from how valid or otherwise we may feel the sources, whatever they may happen to be of those other inner feelings, i really don't see any need to keep feeling dependent on that one particular key.

the fact of anything being unlawful makes the sense of need for or reliance upon a legitimate reason to be wary and cautious of it, however illogical its unlawfulness.

this is one, really pretty much the only i can think of at the moment, i mean beyond the obvious disadvantages of imparing one's judgement, that i don't recomend the use of this sort of approach, the use of substances and states of mind induced by substances as the primary key we use to unlock those doors to whatever working it is, whatever understanding we are attempting to approach or otherwise attempting to achieve.

so what i'm saying is, not that there's anything intrinsically wrong with such an approach, but rather that it is never the only way possible.

i think anything we can achieve by altering our minds chemically, some form of mental discipline exists or can be invented, in every instance to achieve the same things.

i say this in a general way, with no claim as to expertese as to even where to find any one particular such approach.

and of course many of the traditions, from around the world and different cultures were augmented by substances and substance induced altered states.

yet many also there are and were that were and are not. or at least not entirely dependent on them.

so it gets to really what you are looking for, is it really opening doorways into some sort of real mystical connectedness and or understanding, or is it some passing sense of pursuit of that, that the objective becomes the altered state itself. and i'm not judging the latter as 'bad' either. but rather again, even if its just pursuit of some nonspecific, or even highly specific, feeling of altered consciousness, still i think there can be found, even if the do take a good bit of looking and studying, ways of doing so that don't involve the problems the familiar approach seem to be having.

Joined: Jun 13, 2009 Posts: 5

You need you people with the same Ideas to be with you or go at it alone. You have chosen to see the truth and the truth, is by no means one love with creation, it is of destruction as well. If you are not with the right people, your experience will be out of your control and you will naturally panic. Also, if the people you are with believe what you believe, but you cant see them practice is on their own, in silence and adherence, then they are not the type of people you need for a better experience. Thoughts have wings and you seem to need to rethink what your social environment is like.

Joined: Jul 27, 2009 Posts: 5

"The only thing to fear is fear itself"

They can be scary if you let them be.

listen to some good happy music, i suggest alot of the beatles, doors and ofcorse 311.

Friends help make it alot less heavy, but can also make it confusing, the social interaction that is, can be a baffleing experiance, but it is an enlightening one.

They sent me on the path im on today and i cant express to you how amaizing theyve made me feel.

i didnt understand what love was untill i tried.
i didnt understand what matter was untill i tried.
i didnt understand what "authority" was untill i tried.

PLEASE DO IT. PLEASE I BEG OF YOU

become myself.

i love you...

Joined: Sep 15, 2009 Posts: 2

Joined: Mar 10, 2010 Posts: 3

I get panic attacks and have social anxiety pot does not help or hinder other then I might think ppl are judging me more. Now as for why I have them I know and I dont need the DR to tell me or the other head DR. I was dealt a bad hand from day one I was born with am immune disorder and lacking in health in general bad teeth and bones and joints at 18 months they told my mom I would die by the next day from an infection from a thorn cut on my finger well at that point my mom and dad gave me to my aunt then after my aunt got me back to health my dad and step mom took me back and she hated me well then my dad committed suicide when I was gone one night and not there to talk him out of it (BTW all my grandmas sons committed suicide before my grandparents died)well at that point I was healthy due to all organic foods.But I was like 8 and moved to the city to live with my mom I didn't know and my sisters were gone.At that point the food made me sick like it wouldn't digest like fast food came up fast my mom swore I was anorexic still swears it (it couldn't be her fault)not like a diet change that drastic could do that I never got anything from the store growing up with my dad and now it was all fish sticks and ramen noodles.Well then my mom got our trust funds released and got hooked on something I've tried meth coke and coke I cooked up to smoke and was never that out there but it took a long time and someone I really trusted to get me to try it and only used it briefly(maybe that's why I never got that far out there) but at that point she moved us to the big city (well big to me) nothwest MT girl but we shuffled around from hotels dealers and hooker houses when I was 13 I left on my own then 2 years later my mom went to utah and I had to take my little brother thats not counting the time she left us in MT and went to MN to be with a guy she just met that didnt like kids then I was pregnant at 15 (my mom showed up on newyears gave me a bunch of tequila I dont remember the rest) so I got emancipated even tho I had already taken custody of my little bro I had to be six months pregnant to get emancipated and common law married I had another kid with him then I was 18 and had enough of him so I left him he shot my dogs and hid my kids my mom at that point partied to hard and was in a crash now shes in a wheel chair and guess who has to deal with it all me till I told her mom no you do it then at 19 another baby and at 20 they were only 11months apart this husband was the worst abusive and slept with the only 2 friends I had and the one our first babys are cousins and only a month apart our second babys were exactly a year apart she miscarried while I was pregnant but she still came all the way to OR to be there when she was born we were so close. He gave me hpv while I was pregnant with the last baby at 22 and I got cervical cancer from it and he attacked my mom while I was prego then one night when she was a couple months old we were driving down the road and he was driving and just spun and hit me hard enough to crack my face ok the abuse before we were at least arguing after he hit me I tried to jump out we weren't going that fast but he caught my hair and hit the gas instead of jail I bought him a bus ticket to his moms but somehow got put on house arrest at my house and my other ex was living there too so I packed up and split with the man who has loved and cared for me and my girls the last six years but I tell you in my world if it can go wrong it will but I have learned to except that and expect it like this that I am going through now everything was fine then I brought my mom up and now I have lost everything even my girls so fixed our truck 4 different times we blew up 2 trucks at once and the place we had lined out to move the guy died and since nothing was in writing we lost out on it all plus traded a 95 chevy with a bad rear end new motor for the parts for my truck well the new parts lasted a week during that week we had6 cars only 1 of ours broke down on the driveway on top of being fired evicted charged with neglect that I can prove wasn't true if my lawyer wasn't related to the boss and the judge well they are all related so we traded my horse trailer daughters horse and a nice bedroom suit for another truck didnt even make it home well we fixed it and went to buy a camper we got a good deal on it took all weekend to get it here and blew another motor but we still have 4 horses to sell or trade court soon on the eviction so we still have some time we moved our family here from NV for this job and the guy changed everything when we got here the nice home included is an old hunting trailer and had to be completely re plumbed the fridge didnt work stove didnt work and he made us buy them from him he told us he couldn't afford the utility as agreed in e-mails and was telling us we owed 100 -250 a month in water but also saying he didnt have any money we still paid it and he shut it off without telling us then called and had our kids removed the e-mails also stated that he would get 500 a week and it was supposed to be a ranch job it turned into a flea market job and he charged us 6 dollars a bale for a whole load of black moldy alfalfa that killed one of our horses and cost us 300 in vet bills the eviction notice sais we are being evicted because we had our kids taken away and damaged trees the ice storm last year damaged the trees oh wow here I go again rambling but the point is I know things will work out they always tend too I will end up right where I am supposed to be might not be what I planed but hey I dont plan anymore I go with the force that drives me I still tremble alot like my hands shake and I get nervose and ramble but I am off the meds and still copeing